I have always been an emotional person but since having my girls, I cry about everythin . . .good and bad. I usually end up crying, I guess it’s “my thing.” Last Saturday was no different. As I was preparing for Sydney’s second birthday party, I found myself becoming extremely emotional. With every cupcake I iced and streamer I hung, the sadder I became. Tears were inevitable. By Saturday night I was a full blown mess (no thanks to some super exciting news that I was sworn to secrecy about – stay tuned). I tucked my girls in with extra tight hugs, too long cuddles and basically cried myself to sleep. Most parents are excited for birthdays, not me. It’s safe to say I dread birthdays.
I was still sad when I woke up Sunday morning, so I did a little soul searching while finishing up last minute party preparations. Where was this sadness coming from? Why did the thought of another year passing by scare me so badly? Don’t get me wrong, I’m so excited to watch my sweet babies grow into little girls and eventually women, but I think that’s the root of the problem.
My entire life all I wanted was to be a wife and a mommy. My daughters are my everything to me and, right now, I’m the center of their universe. What happens when I’m not? What happens when I’m replaced with a new best friend, a boyfriend, or even a husband? I know I sound like a crazy hovering parent, but I know I’m not alone in this fear. I know as the years go by I will be able to loosen the reins (I hope) and hopefully the crying will be kept to a minimum. I guess what I’ve learned is life is too short to dwell on birthdays and future boyfriends. I need to enjoy every second of my little crazies being little . . . I’ll save the tears for when they ditch me for that “really cute guy from math class.”
Photo credit: Free Your Mind Photography.